My 12 or so years living in Quezon City, away from home, away from the insecurities of puberty and youth, have changed me greatly. I still remember when i broke up with my boyfriend because i knew my dad wouldn't approve because i was underage then. The guilt was too much, i just had to let him go. I didn't drink, didn't smoke, didn't cuss -- too much -- and didn't go home late at night. My life was basically getting out of bed, going to school on time (i never cut classes in college), studying, then going back to the apartment to sleep or watch TV. I didn't hang out with my highschool batchmates who ended up in the same course that i had, and instead, chose to hang out with a different set of people. A year later, I met the 'love of my life'. I was still the goody-goody that i was, but now with a little less guilt. I wasn't the same Catholic girl anymore. Some pleasures and temptations were just too hard to resist. Until now i consider that guy the love of my life. I never really put in as much effort in subsequent relationships as i had with him. I worshipped the ground he walked upon, put him up in a pedestal and thought, "I'm so lucky to have him." But then, the perfect guy broke me. He cheated on me and left. I was devastated to say the least. And though i didn't believe in revenge and never did anything to exact it, i knew that moment changed me irreversibly. I became self-destructive, though not to the point of committing suicide or anything that stupid, but those things that were taboo for me became very easy to do. From that moment, i became a man-hater.
What can i say...i've seen a lot of things, met a lot of people, and done a lot of deeds, both bad and good. I've met people from all walks of life and with different sexual preferences. I've met a guy who was running away from the law because he killed someone. A guy once said to me, "I'm leaving my wife for you," the same guy who beat the same wife, raped a common friend, and cheated a lot of people money. I've had friends who have lost their babies deliberately and accidentally, with more than one almost dying because of it. I've had friends who have cheated on their girfriends, girlfriends who cheated on their boyfriends, and me, having been cheated with another guy. I have woken up at night with the sound of my two friends having sex in the next bed, I have woken up at night, too, with the sound of my two lesbian friends having sex in the next bed! I've met somebody, because of desperation, sold his body for a few thousand pesos. I've met a girl, who was so smart and sweet on the outside, but so brutal and manic in the inside. I've asked a gay friend questions you've always wondered about. I have been offered to join a menage a trois, (but declined) and knew some people who went to orgies. I met a man who took pleasure in giving other men a blow for 20 pesos. I have seen my friends who are so much worse than Beverly Hills 902010 or Melrose Place the way they've exchanged partners, and everyone is fine with it. I've had an ex who was emotionally abusing me. I have been harassed sexually by a person who i had no choice but to trust (else i'd still be in the middle of a forest, lost forever). I've had an ex who remains to be 'the one who got away.' I have heard my mother howl with anguish when she found out my uncle was ambushed and left for dead.
I was offered by a former President anything i wanted to show his appreciation (don't worry guys, if i took his offer, i wouldn't be slaving away and doing the things i'm doing now). I have seen poverty, and met those who suffer from it. I was once in an accident and realized that the life of another is always in another person's hand...and it's so easy to hurt anyone, and life is so fragile. I have mourned a friend's passing, and mourned the loss of friendships. I have almost lost a loved one to drugs and to desperation.
But amongst these things, i have also felt love. I have witnessed true love between Junie's parents, until the day her mom died. I have been blessed with a wonderful father who is also my friend. I have beautiful grandmothers and a great grandmother who have taught her children beautiful things. I have seen my nephews' smiles and my heart lights up. I have seen my family pick themselves up from a hellpit and now actually eat meals together. i have met people who have loved me and appreciated me for who i am. (I have had an ex who regretted losing me) I have made a difference in the lives of some and wish to be an inspiration to others. I have seen the power of hope and the beauty of change. I have been to a virgin forest, and have swam in a clear blue sea. I have had help from strangers, guiding me through my way. And i have loved.
As we grow up, we choose the path we take. For each decision we make, there is a new adventure waiting for us, a grand story waiting to be written. Despite all the troubles and bumps that are along the way, life is still beautiful. It may be dark and dreary sometimes, but we continue to trudge on, because we see the magic of a future, the promise of a tomorrow.
However you choose to live your life, it's up to you. But remember, the paths we choose is a reflection of the lessons we learn.
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