Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Love at First Sight

Love at First Sight
Wislawa Szymborska
Both are convinced
that a sudden surge of emotion bound them together.
Beautiful is such a certainty,
but uncertainty is more beautiful.

Because they didn't know each other earlier, they suppose that
nothing was happening between them.
What of the streets, stairways and corridors
where they could have passed each other long ago?

I'd like to ask them
whether they remember-- perhaps in a revolving door
ever being face to face?
an "excuse me" in a crowd
or a voice "wrong number" in the receiver.
But I know their answer:
no, they don't remember.

They'd be greatly astonished
to learn that for a long time
chance had been playing with them.

Not yet wholly ready
to transform into fate for them
it approached them, then backed off,
stood in their way
and, suppressing a giggle,
jumped to the side.
There were signs, signals:
but what of it if they were illegible.
Perhaps three years ago,
or last Tuesday
did a certain leaflet fly
from shoulder to shoulder?
There was something lost and picked up.
Who knows but what it was a ball
in the bushes of childhood.

There were doorknobs and bells
on which earlier
touch piled on touch.
Bags beside each other in the luggage room.
Perhaps they had the same dream on a certain night,
suddenly erased after waking.

Every beginning
is but a continuation,
and the book of events
is never more than half open.

-translated by Walter Whipple

I've always loved this poem ever since i came across it in a Taiwanese film, "Turn Left, Turn Right." I would like to think John Meyer read this poem when he made the song "love song for no one."

Thursday, January 24, 2008

What is it exactly that i do?

Last week, I stayed over with an old friend's home. Her mom, Tita O, and I got to talk. She asked me if I was enjoying my work and the career path that I've chosen. Just as I was explaining to her the tribulations and perks of my work, my friend for 18 years walked in. It was then that I realized that most of my friends, family and relatives don't know what it is exactly that I do or that I chosen to do.

So what is it exactly that I do?

I work for the Legal Rights Center, a non-government organization founded by students who graduated from the UP College of Law. After the martial law era, when NGOs came to fore to address the many issues that plagued the country, these students realized that one sector that have been brushed under the rug were the indigenous peoples. We belong to the Alternative Law Groups. I am what we call an 'alternative lawyer'.

My official designation in the organization is "Staff Lawyer" under the Research and Policy Development Team. My job entails me to be up to date on the latest policies, bills, laws, rules and regulations and news on various topics from human rights, to environmental law, to land rights, to international law, to indigenous peoples, to rural communities, etc. I sometimes attend Congressional hearings on bills pertaining to these topics and present our two cents' worth (or at least sit there and pretend I know what's being talked about). I also go to the hinterlands, to the mountains, to coastal communties, to far-fetched places, crossing rivers, streams, riding habal-habals, horses, trekking on foot, etc. (seeing the best and worst of the country) so that I can know firsthand what the community is going through and to let them know the laws which directly affect them, to give them a fighting chance against large-scale transnational corporations which threaten them or have already displaced them from their homes. So this would also entail giving paralegal trainings, lectures, and on-the-spot legal advice.

Other times, I speak with a mic in front of me pointing out what's wrong in the system and other laws, and how these affect the lives of millions. So that's part advocacy work. The other part is also networking with other groups, peoples, and organizations which have common standpoints on a particular subject.

Every so often, I will also dip my fingers in litigation work or handle a case or two.

Aside from this, what I guess can be said to be the most challenging part of my chosen path is to put it all in through the different methods and modes of research, and write it down, and criticize, comment, and/or recommend policies which would hopefully change the system that we are moving in today. In short, I can, through my organization and vice versa, be a big headache to the government and to those who abuse the rights of many.

By the way, I also go to work in slippers, tank tops, and shorts, keeping a spare pair of pants in my cabinet so in case I need to meet someone I can be somewhat 'presentable'.

A lot of times, it's stressful work. Not only from the stress of workload, but also from the sense of responsibility and, I guess, from the iska part of me which dictates that I have to give back what I have received...to somehow continue the legacy what UP stands for.

Cheesy, but it's true.

Others may say that I am being ideal and foolish. But my work brings me the closest to the reality of politics, corruption, poverty and desparation. It may be cheesy, idealistic and foolish, but, then again, I do believe in the phrase "the children are our future". And as i once blogged about it, law students couldn't be any more the future than what and where they are now. We are those who will and who are blazing the trails of the present. We are the ones who will determine how things will go. We are now the ones paying for the sins of the past. And no matter how corny and cliche it may sound, this is our challenge.

Itching

I have been itching to go somewhere far. I've been itching for a new environment since late last year, but the desire to do so has been stronger lately. However, due to the calls of responsibility and accountability, I can't exactly just get up and leave. But I will take a vacation somewhere. And soon.

This year, I will seriously look for options best for me so that i can scratch that damn itch. This year I will seriously consider the possibilities that are within reach, without compromising my other responsibilities.

This year is a chance for new beginnings.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Innerdance: Energizing Your Fingers For Healing

Video of the Innerdance.
Link

The Inner Dance

I just came from Cavite from a forum. Since I had to go back to Manila earlier than expected, I hitched a ride from one of the participants. During the ride home, there were four of us: the driver, a priest, a lawyer and me.

We were talking about nothing and a lot of things. During these conversations, the priest brought up "finding the inner child" to which I added that a friend of mine undrewent that process and swore by it. Then, the lawyer said, "How about the inner dance?" It was the first time I ever heard of the term. Apparently, she saw an ad in the newspaper and just decided to check it out. She said that the facilitator of the 'workshop' (no payment needed) merely touched the spine and other strategic places, and suddenly, she found herself dancing. I was fascinated with the conversation. I asked her if she can do the same to other people, and she said yes. So she gave me her card and we have set a tentative date when she can help me discover my 'inner dance'.

She said that the inner dance was a reflection of a person, a part that we have stamped out by our logical, fast-paced lifestyle. It is going back to nature, going back to God, and going back to oneself. She swears that it improved her outlook in life: less stress, less worries, less baggages, and more connected to her being.

I can't wait for that day. I'm a little bit apprehensive for fearing i might look like a fool waving my arms like a headless chicken, but what the heck. Anything that brings about a positive change in me is always a welcome thing. When I first rode in the car, I told her she was an angel. Maybe after she helps me find that inner dance, I'll be sure that she was sent to me by one...

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Heath Ledger is dead

It's so sad. That geeky, long-hair, charming, bad-boy, mysterious guy from 10 Things I hate About You is gone. At first I didn't find him attractive at all...but as i watched the movie, damn, he just grew on me. After that I got hooked.

Then A Knight's Tale came along and he looked so adorable dancing in his, uh, rushes.

Brokeback...it took me a while to finally watched the movie. I was screaming my head off when they had their first kiss. Shivers running up my spine. Waaaaaaaaah!!!!!!! Sana ako nalang yung nasa gitna! But I know i will never watch it again. It's too painful. Sigh.

So now I say goodbye to a man who was such a MAN. As in Macho. As in yummy. But a druggie nonetheless. Or so the news implied.

Sigh. Showbiz.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Lost Identity

Yesterday, after almost a week in Baguio, I finally got up early from my bed to go to the market -- not by choice, but because we had a post-Christmas party and the challenge was to get our babies 100 pesos worth of ukay-ukay gifts.

So at 6:45 am, my friend Weng (whose trip to Baguio this week was the first she took) and I trooped to Maharlika to do some not-so-serious shopping. Under an hour, we got what we came for -- and then some, coz i also bought Jerry coffee beans from the Cordi as promised -- and immediately boarded the taxi going to Atenara House.

It was late in the afternoon when i realized that i apparently lost my wallet. The last time i saw it was when i bought a small bag for my baby. After that, it's a mystery how it got lost. Obvious choices were, it either fell or somebody took it.

Normally, one would feel the clamminess and the worry. They say if you do feel it, then that means its lost forever. On the other hand, if you don't, then most probably you'll find it. Well, I didn't feel any worry. Just bummed out.

Almost all my important IDs were in that wallet. My license, my IBP card, SSS, Philhealth, Philam, ATMs and credit cards. The only IDs left with me are my office ID and my Alumni Card (which I never used - may silbi ba sha?). It was a good thing that i had some cash with me, or else, well, you can only imagine.

Of course i called my banks and cancelled and blocked my cards. Good thing that nobody used it during that long lull from losing it to realizing its loss. Good thing too that i still have the paper receipt from my license. Good thing that SSS is just my neighbor. Good thing that my officemate will be taking trips to the IBP to pay for my annual fee and i can join him. Good thing the office deals with PTRs and CTCs so I don't have it. Good thing that the bank is just less than a kilometer away from the office. Good thing that the office hasn't given me the new Philam card. Good thing that phone banking and e-banking is so efficient these days that i'll have my new cards without me even feeling it got lost. Good thing that I don't have to pay for an affidavit being drawn up. Good thing that I can have the affidavit of loss be notarized for free. And most of all, good thing I didn't have money in that wallet. Spent it buying jerry's coffee.

I am considerably lucky when it comes to losing things. First time it happened in college, it was given back to me by the tindera in the kiosk at the Gym. Second time, somebody took it, they threw the contents -- IDs, pics and all -- at a pre-school along Katipunan so I still got the contents back (take note, just the contents). So now, the thrid incident in my life, everything is more or less accessible to me for a renewal.

So, to whoever took that wallet, shame on you. Sorry na lang walang pera dun. I did have $5 in that wallet as the 'token' money there, but i wouldn't cry over it. To whoever picked it up and who will be thinking of returning it to me, thank you for paying forward the kindness other people have shown you. Rest assured that I am doing the same.


Tuesday, January 15, 2008

UP Survey

1. Student number?
95-24838

2. College?
CSSP
LAW

3. Course?
Psychology
Law

4. Nag-shift ka ba o na-kickout?
neither.

5. Saan ka kumuha ng UPCAT?
Sa Bio Building ng Diliman

6. Favorite GE subject?
Psych 101 (VV)

7. Favorite PE?
hmmm...social dance ata. definitely better than bowling!

8. Saan ka nag-aabang ng hot girls/guys sa UP?
Hindi ako nag-aabang, pero kung may maabutan, sa Psych lobby

9. Favorite prof(s)
Atty. Leonen, Atty. Jacinto, Dr. FG David; Prof. Louella Barra, Doc Aga


10. Pinaka-ayaw na GE subject.
NatSci, as in.

11. Kumuha ka ba ng Wed or Sat classes?
hmmm...PE ata for Wed...

12. Nakapag-field trip ka ba?
Yup!!! MS 100!!!! Bolinao Pangasinan

13. Naging CS ka na ba or US sa UP?
US lang (yabang)

14. Ano ang Org/Frat/Soro mo?
UP PsychA, UP Dragonboat Rowing Team, UP PVO, UP Charivari, UP Winlaw, at meron akong Law org na envi na nakalimutan ko na kung anong pangalan...hehehe, shame on me!!!!

15. Saan ka tumatambay palagi?
PHan, sa Sara's, Palaris, Winlaw Room (the best tambayan ever! thanks to grace)

16. Dorm, Boarding house, o Bahay?
Dorm, Boarding House, apartment at bahay.

17. Kung walang UPCAT test at malaya kang nakapili ng kurso mo sa UP, ano yun (Given ang mentality mo nung HS ka)?
psychology lang talaga

18. Sino ang pinaka-una mong nakilala sa UP?
Ay, di ko na maalala. Si Teresa Afable ata.

19. First play na napanood mo sa UP?
I think the Cherry Blossom song or something, basta sa Guerrero

20. Name the 5 most conyo orgs in UP
wouldnt know really, never hung around them.

21. Name 5 of the coolest orgs/frats/soro in UP.
During my time, dahil loyal ako, Winlaw and UPDRT

22. May frat/soro bang nag-recruit sa yo?
none.

23. Saan ka madalas mag-lunch?
Lutong bahay sa Area 2, CASAA, Rodics, Full House, Beach house, green house, lahat ng house.at sa caf ng malcolm

24. Masaya ba sa UP?
As in.

25. Nakasama ka na ba sa rally?
syempres.

26. Ilang beses ka bumoto sa Student Council?
hmmm...twice sa undergrad, all the time sa law

27. Name at least 5 leftist groups in UP
ay, wala akong alam jan. hehehe...

28. Pinangarap mo rin bang mag-laude nung freshman ka?
hindi ata, kasi i am not defined by my grades...as sadya lang talaga akong tamad. Pero kung tutuusin, kung major ko lang, pwede ako mag magna. bwahahaha...as with a lot of other people!!!!

29. Kanino ka pinaka-patay sa UP?
wala

30. Kung di ka UP, anong school ka?
Ateneo, kasi gusto ko yung dating ng "THE" ateneo. wala na rin ako kinuhang iba.

Romancing the Fire

Last night, I had my first experience with a fireplace. And I was excited with the prospect. What can I say, I come from a tropical area of the country, where airconditioning rather than heaters are more welcomed and where the white sand under my feet and the surf tickle my feet. It doesn't take much to make me happy.

So, after having the maitre d' light the fireplace, my friend and I, with glasses of wine, curled on a couch and just talked. Sometimes, the noise of the crackling firewood and soft music were the only sounds you'd hear. The smell of pine wood wafting through the air. The comfort of good company and the warmth of the pervading your senses. Without need for words, without need for prattle. The flames mesmerizing, seducing me to come nearer.

I stayed there, occasionally poking the wood until only the glowing embers were left. And before it finally died down, I turned around, leaving those embers burning softly against the darkness.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Bleach Episode 155

Was watching the latest bleach episode and I couldn't help but laugh. How apt to my recently-over situation. Hiding in darkness, Espada 9 takes a familiar form, to fool and distract Rukia. But under the sunlight, he withers and shows his true self...and finally show Rukia his true power: Gluttony. Addicted to power, eating up everything in his way He's one sick bastard.

Friday, January 11, 2008

To Soups, Songs, and Sean

Last night, after a week of partying and boozing, I finally decided to slow down and invite friends who I haven't seen for a long time. Had dinner in Resto Pino along Maginhawa, UP Village (really good too!!!!) and have coffee at my friend's cafe, Consequia -- Conse for short -- along Mayon. Haven't laughed so hard over nothing for such a long time! Ninin and Jerry sure are a great cure for bummed-outness.

So we go home a little after midnight, and I was looking forward to a good night's rest after a week of barely getting any. After maybe an hour from falling asleep, the phone rang. It was a Phil-Malaysian friend of mine who just happened to have nothing to do and decided, for one reason or another, to drop me a line. We met exactly 11 months ago today in Cambodia for a conference. Saw him while he was here and again when he and his Flip friend decided to take a vacation. And for some bizarre reason, he likes calling me Ana Banana.

The call was really unexpected, but totally welcomed. Especially when my friends and I were just talking about him earlier that night too. It made a good day end. Made me smile ear to ear when I heard his voice. Kinda miss that crazy guy. Funny thing is, it was his blog that I just posted here.

So here's to pumpkin soups, to songs, and to a Kuching boy named Sean.

P.S. Thanks nin and jer. It was a blast!

Thursday, January 10, 2008

"The Signs of 8"

A friend of mine posted this on his blog, according to him, the eight signs to find out if your man is cheating on you (or with you i guess). Anyway, just in case this might help. Of course, ultimately, as a caveat, you are primary responsible to strike the balance between being careful and being paranoid.

So check out the link. http://www.seanrubis.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=41&Itemid=44

Personally, I think another additional sign would be, if he doesn't spend important holidays with you or doesn't celebrate it with you, like Christmas or New Year's.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Solace

Last night, my instructor became my best friend -- if only for that night and even if he doesn't know why.

Boxing has always been a thing of solace for me. I displace my extra emotions into it. Last night, I just boxed and hit all my heart out. Trying I guess to reach the point where tears would mix with sweat. I didn't realize just how mad and frustrated i was until my glove hit the mit. Until I was already exhaling every breath i had, shouting, to just hit that mit, as if that thing of foam would absorb all the pain, anger, frustration and sorrow that I had and make everything okay.

Kulang pa. Kailangan uli bumalik.

Monday, January 7, 2008

Damned - Shimoli

Boy you reminded me of putting these things into words
And save them, for a rainy day
Your shameful heart & sinful soul
Oh, I am amazed by you & all that you´re

Your devious ways, you do the work of the dark forces in this world
And you are evil, oh yes you´re

CHORUS:
Damned, you are one man I just can´t stand you are
Damned, you built your castle on the sand, you are
Damned, How could I ever want you for my man?
I have lost you now, so why do I care?

You really knew right from the start
How to work your way into my heart
And then you pulled the trigger, you shot me around the weakest (part)
You are a disgrace to the human race with your pretty face

Your devious ways, you do the work of the dark forces in this world
And you are evil, oh yes you´re

Damned, you are one man I just can´t stand you are
Damned, you built your castle on the sand, you are
Damned, How could I ever want you for my man?
I have lost you now, so why do I care?

Your devious ways, you do the work of the dark forces in the world
And you are evil, oh yes you´re

Damned, you are one man I just can´t stand you are
Damned, you built your castle on the sand, you are
Damned, How could I ever want you for my man?
I have lost you now, so why do I care? (Why do I care?)

Damned, you are one man I just can´t stand you are
Damned, you built your castle on the sand, you are
Damned, How could I ever want you for my man?
I have lost you now, so why do I care?

Damned - So why do I care?

Sunday, January 6, 2008

Climax

I haven't done this for quite some time. Long before Christmas in fact. And the whole vacation, i felt something was missing -- that rush of blood to the head, the drumming of my heart against its cage, the shortness of breath, the feeling of exhiliration.

I knew when I took my first step into that room, I would be facing one of my great fears. How do you do this again? How do you pick up as if nothing happened, as if starting tabula rasa but really not. After years of doing it on and off, I was apprehensive if I could perform well again. I knew after I commit to doing it, my body would ache the next day. I may not be able to move with the pain coursing through me. But I did it anyway. I knew I had to do it.

Slowly, I started stretching. Feeling the warm blood rush through my body. I can feel my heart beat start to pick up, as if revving up for a race. Trying to get the kinks out of my joints, I patiently go through the routine. The sweat starting to gather on my brow. I told my partner that we should take it slow, take it one step at a time. So we play around for a while. Taking little steps, dancing around as if children in their first play group. I try to control my breath and my heart. Inhale, exhale. Slowly getting the rythm. Trying desperately not to push my body to do something it hasn't done for a while. From one position to another, I try to familiarize myself again to the rounds. I can feel my hands clenched into fists as I wrap my fingers against black satin. With full concentration, I push a little harder. Inhaling, exhaling, taking deep breaths. I feel the sweat travelling down my body, trickling down the valley of my breasts as the breaths come quicker, the rhythm becoming clearer. I take a step back, then two steps forward. The sweat now dripping to the red floor, droplets of water covering me, making us both slick.

I take a break. And though it's so painful, I know I had to finish it, or else I won't get what I went there for in the first place. So I take it slow again. One step, then another. Can't wait til it can end. Patience. Just a little more patience and it will over, and the exhiliration will wash over me. Just a little more and I think I can get past the pain. So we're at it again. This time, as if knowing it will finish soon, the moves become more calculated, deliberate and frantic. Screaming with every forceful blow. Delivering the last hit, I try hard not to collapse. Finally, the last ounce of strength wasted.

After everything was over and done with, I get a cigarette and take a long drag. Too exhausted to even want to stand.

Gawd, I missed boxing. I just wish I can drag myself out of bed early tomorrow to do it again.